Counselling, Psychotherapy and Psychology Blog

Brief Therapy by Marybeth Mendenhall

Asociate Marybeth Mendenhall offers Solution Focussed Brief Therapy. This is a short term, goal oriented approach that enables clients to focus on what they want to achieve by looking at what is working rather than on focussing on what is not working. 

Brief Therapy focuses on finding solutions to problems and is based on exploring the present with an eye towards changing the future.

Solution Focussed Therapy is a collaborative model that emphasizes what is possible and changeable and shares the philosophy that clients have unacknowledged resources and strengths that can help them solve their problems.  
The aim of Solution Focussed Brief Therapy is to work collaboratively towards :

a) helping you identify your goal (or goals)
b) focus on what parts of your life are working and use that as a strong foundation upon which you can build on and create an improved lifestyle and
c) use those strengths to change and do things differently.

Solution Focussed Brief therapy acknowledges distress, but focuses on success.  It operates from a positive viewpoint that change is not only possible but also inevitable. It offers you a way to work effectively in an empowering and hopeful way.  

Solution Focussed Brief Therapy can be used for a variety of difficulties, such as depression, anxiety, anger, stress and relationship issues.

New article on sexual attractiveness

Nicholas has contributed to the latest publication of FS magazine in an article looking at sexual attractiveness. It considers the role of fashion and trends as influencers of preference.

Couples Counselling Service Grows

Following increasing demand for couples counselling, marriage counselling and relationship therapy we have increased the size of our practice. New times means that sessions are now currently available on Wednesday evenings in Chiswick with Marybeth Mendenhall.

Counselling and psychotherapy for adolescents, adults, couples and families in West London

We are a full service counselling and psychotherapy practice based in Chiswick, West London, able to offer male and female therapists for adolescents, adults, couples and families. To access our services you can make a direct referral or request referral to us from your GP or private healthcare provider. We offer a confidential and professional service with flexibility around availability without the expereince of waiting lists.

Will counselling be of benefit for you?

This simple online test can help you decide whether counselling or psychotherapy might be a benefit. Click here for the test that will open in a new window. Once you have taken the test you can contact us to talk through your results.

Struggling with the winter blues?

As the winter months are upon us and the nights are drawing in, this can sometimes affect people’s feelings and natural outlook on situations. However some people suffer from this more than others, and here at our Chiswick practice we have people you can talk to that can help.

Depression Counselling London

Symptoms of depression often include a felt sense of low desire to undertake daily activities including work, socializing, exercise etc. It can have a debilitating effect and often be a very confusing experience for the sufferer and his or her friends and relatives. Depression often occurs after something has happened in a person's life that has been difficult to cope with and the struggle can be very tiring, resulting in low confidence and a circle of behaviour that only serves to lead to more unhappiness.

Formums.net have used us in the January 2013 "To the rescue" feature regarding this. To read more please click here. (keep original link).

Please also remember we run evening sessions, and sessions via Skype, telephone and email. For further information please feel free to contact us.

Formums.net advent calendar of top tips for Christmas

Our tip for today is about collaboration for a harmonious Christmas, to view the advent calendar click here.

Our new appearance

Thank you to our web designers at Spiderscope.com for our new website. We asked them to find a new way of presenting all the information on our counselling and psychotherapy services and they developed a new navigation structure for us. We hope you enjoy finding your way round the new site.

New article on sex and relationships for gay men

Nicholas has contributed to an article on sex and relationships for gay men. Click here for more details.

ForMums.net - details of Chiswick Counselling Service

We are delighted to be listed on the Chiswick based online resource for Mums called formums.net.

Child Psychotherapist in Chiswick, West London

Nicholas Rose and Associates are delighted to announce that Juliet Lyons has joined the team offering Child Psychotherapy. Please see below for further information. The practice is now able to offer counselling and psychotherapy for adults, children, couples and families, with a team comprising of both male and female therapists.

What is Child Psychotherapy

Child Psychotherapists work with children by building a relationship through talking, play or the use of art materials to help children express themselves and help them to resolve issues concerning them. A space and time is created for them to think about life, to talk about growing up, about what happens at school with friends and about what it is like to be them. A child psychotherapist can also offer a great deal of support for parents and families at times of struggle.

When can a child psychotherapist be helpful?

If a child is showing signs of distress at home or school or if as a parent/s you are struggling in your relationship with your child. In addition there are a number of particular difficulties which can helpfully be brought to a child psychotherapist including pre and post natal difficulties, birth trauma, aggressive behaviours, ADHD, autism, divorce and separation, adoption, bereavement and loss, eating disorders, separation anxiety, selective mutism, obsessive behaviours.

Psychotherapy for children - What to Expect?

Initially Juliet will meet with the child to assess their type and level of difficulty and needs. Following this Juliet will make recommendations, these might include long or short term psychotherapy, joint consultations with parents, options for parenting advice and support. Benefits of working with a child psychotherapist

Possible outcomes can include a reduction in psychosomatic or other symptoms, better capacity to partake and learn in school, increased confidence for both children and parents, reduction in conflict and improved relationships.

Child Psychotherapy Fees

The initial session fee for daytime office hours is £65, after 5pm £80, however Juliet does has a limited number of lower cost fees set at £50. The fee for ongoing sessions may vary depending upon the session plan including factors such as time of day, frequency, duration and quantity.

West London Counselling Service

Nicholas Rose & Associates now offer counselling at the weekend. Sessions are now available on Saturdays in addition to the daytime and evening service offered from Monday to Friday. Counselling and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals is available from a team of qualified and experienced male and female counsellors. Please contact us for more information on all of our services.

New article published relating to sex addiction

Nicholas has contributed to an article by a journalist writing about sex addiction.

Vacancy Psychotherapist & Couples Counsellor - Saturdays

We are looking for a UKCP registered and/or BACP accredited counsellor and psychotherapist to work with adult individuals and couples at the weekends. The successful applicant will have a specialist training in working with couples and have extensive clinical experience. Please telephone Nicholas Rose or send an email using our contact form.

Article published on couple counselling

Article -"Improve your relationships. Insights from Chiswick based couples counsellors Nicholas Rose and Marybeth Mendenhall." published today in The Green and Richmond Green magazines. The article will also be published in Westside magazine on the 31st May.

New article in GayStarNews on counselling for same sex couples

A new article "Five steps to the perfect relationship" has been published today by Gareth Johnson from GayStarNews following an interview with Nicholas Rose.

Low cost counselling / psychotherapy sessions

Christian Koebbel currently has a limited number of low cost sessions available. This is an ideal option for someone new to counselling / psychotherapy and / or someone looking for long term psychotherapy. To discuss contact Nicholas in the first instance on 07789 488 691 or via our online enquiry form.

Team changes at Nicholas Rose & Associates

The team now comprises Nicholas Rose, Tom Godsal, Fiona Gilmour, Christian Koebbel and Marybeth Mendenhall. As a team we are able to offer counselling and psychotherapy for adults, couples and families. A choice of male and female therapist all with a wide range of experience and qualifications. Nicholas also offers supervision to other therapists or people within the caring professions.

Office Relocation to The Swan Centre, Chiswick

From the 2nd April 2012, Nicholas Rose & Associates - Counsellors and Psychotherapists in Chiswick will be relocating to The Swan Centre, Fishers Lane, Chiswick, London, W4 1RX. The new offices are just a few hundred yards from the previous location and offers visitor parking by arrangement.

New Associate Counsellors & Psychotherapists required

We are looking for new counsellors and psychotherapists to join the team. Please email Nicholas Rose sending your cv to mail@nicholas-rose.co.uk.

Tom Godsal joins Nicholas Rose as an Associate Counsellor and Psychotherapist

I am very pleased to announce that Tom Godsal is now working with me in Chiswick and is available to see clients on Tuesdays and Thursdays. For more information please see Tom Godsal

Is your relationship in the best of health?

“In relationships, believing that we understand our partners and that they understand us is the single biggest cause of trouble” says Westover’s Chiswick based Consultant Couples Psychotherapist and Counsellor Nicholas Rose. In this article Nicholas explains how to keep your relationship in the best of health.

Understanding between partners’ comes from a desire for both security and vitally, safety –often closely associated with the idea of loving or being loved. If we feel there is understanding, we are more likely to trust in our partner. Ultimately partners are the people most likely to be relied upon in an emergency and in emergencies nothing is more important that clear communication – it is nothing less than a need born out of a wish for survival. Potentially it all starts from birth – if understanding does not exist between us and our primary carers then we risk death – therefore the first thing we do as babies is fight for understanding. How we do this varies depends upon what we learn in our attempts to gain attention – is it more effective to be noisy or quiet, happy or sad, laugh or cry, well or sick, tidy or messy, dependent or independent, creative or practical - the list is endless. Therefore what we learn in the early days is the closest we come to have an approach to life and relationships that is “hardwired”. Simply put, we are good at doing or being in ways for which we have felt the existence of understanding.

The implication is we need to challenge our assumption we understand and are understood around the most basic of concepts. For example, love. How love is expressed varies enormously across cultures, communities and families. Just ask your friends how love was shown to them as children and you are likely to get a wide variety of responses from food, fun, talking, not talking, sharing, giving, taking, education, discipline, fairness, holidays the list is endless. Another good example is how people are looked after when sick. In some cultures it is common for everyone to visit sick friends and relatives, in others the patient is cared for by being protected from visitors. Neither is right or wrong but someone who is used to visitors when sick will feel neglected and uncared for if their partner tells everyone to keep away as they need rest! Therefore it is actually the case we only really know how to communicate with those people we have learnt to develop an understanding.

As adults we acquire the ability to enter into relationships on equal terms. Fundamentally a shared language and status provides us with all we need to build and maintain healthy relationships and understanding. It sounds basic and the principle is, however the skills are something to be learnt and developed. Here are some basic rules:

1. Words like “love” are short cuts – use them at your peril. Instead never assume that the word means the same to you and your partner.
2. It requires commitment from both parties to develop an understanding. (At the extreme, the presence of physical or emotional abuse in a relationship suggests that the commitment does not exist).
3. If you feel hurt by something that your partner does or says then (as long as it is not physically or emotionally abusive) it is likely that your defences and theirs are revealing a conflict of understanding. Do not assume that the intention was to hurt you, instead say how you felt and ask if that was what had been intended. Remember relationships often breakdown due to the conversations that have not been had rather than those that have.
4. Never underestimate the possible impact of change, difficult times and stress. Anything that changes your routines or patterns can bring stress that triggers defences – at difficult times in life you might find it difficult to recognise each other. Look out for bereavements, fertility issues, children arriving and leaving, career changes, health challenges and traumatic events.
5. If you are struggling then do not hesitate to seek professional help. Many couples seek help when it is too late - when there is too much misunderstanding and hurt and not enough energy and commitment left in order to make the changes required.

Nicholas Rose is a Consultant Counsellor and Psychotherapist working with couples. He is accredited with the BACP and registered with the UKCP and UKRCP. A professional member of the Society for Existential Analysis and an Associate of the Metanoia Institute. Nicholas is based at the Westover in Chiswick and is recognised by a number of private health insurance providers including Bupa, PRUHealth and WPA.

Negative thinking - are you depressed?

When the phone rings unexpectedly or when an unexpected letter arrives from the Inland Revenue do you expect trouble? Do you instantly start to think that something bad is happening? If you are feeling unwell do you find yourself checking websites and end up wondering if you have the most serious illness listed? When watching news items about difficulties in the economy do you instantly start thinking about losing your job? Do you recognise thinking like “I’m stuck in traffic its going to be a terrible day”.” I made that mistake again, I am stupid”.” I always fail at relationships I will never be happy”.” I am in debt, I cannot manage my finances.” Negative thinking is where you are constructing your everyday experience and situations as challenges and threats; you might also describe this as having a pessimistic outlook.

Having negative thoughts does not necessarily mean you are depressed but it can be an indicator of depression and left unchecked having negative thought patterns can lead to depression. Depression is an illness that negatively affects the sufferers’ physical, emotional and thinking experience. So depression is not just about negative thinking but it is clear that negative thoughts contribute to negative feelings and this puts us under stress, leading to anxiety and providing a strong basis for the development of depression.

The very first step to tackling your negative thinking and, or depression is to accept that recognising your struggle now means you can take action to improve your situation. If you have any physical concerns or symptoms visit your GP so that these can be either diagnosed and treated or discounted. This then leaves you able to start to deal with the emotional and thinking elements. It is time now to recognise that your negative thoughts and feelings suggest that you are experiencing a healthy response to a perceived threat. The task here is therefore not to stop thinking and feeling but to understand and challenge your sense of being under threat; doing this effectively will lead to a change in thinking and feeling.

It is important that you know that you do have the potential to change the way you think and that what you will need will be the right conditions to facilitate this. Having recognised what is going on you may be able to work through and find a solution and there is a quick guide on how to go about this at the bottom of the page. However your ability to do this on your own will depend upon the severity and length of time you have struggled. A common problem is that people can be being reluctant to seek help and this is often a wonderful example of negative thinking. “If I seek help it will mean that I am going to be a burden, a failure, pathetic, wasting people’s time or, I don’t have time or, I don’t have the money etc”. The reality is that everyone struggles from time to time and left unchecked negative thinking will only create a downward spiral, ultimately it must be argued that not seeking help to a recognised and treatable problem is a mistake. As soon as you realise that your own efforts are not succeeding seek help.

A quick guide for challenging negative thinking:

Write down the negative thoughts you are having and the situations in which they occur. What do you notice?

Do you remember the first time these thoughts occurred to you and if so what was going on for you in life at that point. Is it possible that there is a connection?

Consider whether you are being realistic in your thinking. Visualise how you would respond if a friend of yours came to talk to you with this problem – would your advice or judgement be any different to the way in which you are advising or judging yourself?

Now let’s get down to challenging those individual negative thoughts – pick the one that occurs to you first. Does the thought contain any element which is based on assumption and not fact? In the example I am in debt, I cannot manage my finances. The first part maybe fact but the second is an understanding and an assumption that is unrealistic. Now repeat this with other negative thoughts as they occur to you.

Couples counselling - volunteers sought for Channel 4

If you are a couple in or seeking counselling you maybe interested in the following opportunity. If you are interested please contact either myself or Kirsty Dougall.

MEDIA CALL: Couples seeking relationship help.

Fern Britton’s new Channel 4 show is looking to talk to a couple whose relationship is in serious trouble. They are still very much in love, but feel that separation may be the only option left open to them.

We want to provide you with all the professional advice you need to help you stay together and work out your differences.

You can be assured that this subject matter will be handled in all seriousness and with the aim to provide whatever counselling and advice works best for you and your partner.

If you would like more information, or know a couple that may be interested, please contact Kirsty Dougall on 0207 091 4733, or email: kirsty.dougall@cactustv.co.uk