Counselling, Psychotherapy and Psychology Blog

07 - Dec - 2016

Bullying and what to do about it? (Republished from December 2016)

This article was originally published on our blog in 2016 and also appeared in the Chiswick Herald.

Bullying and what to do about it!

Research shows that one in every two people are affected by bullying. It is something that people still find very hard to discuss. Research, information, education in schools, employer advice, safety online, children, adults and the elderly are all areas and people where there is some progress but as our awareness of bullying develops then I think confusion can occur. 

Increasingly I think the word can be used incorrectly and it is really important to be clear about whether your or another persons behaviour is bullying. If used incorrectly misunderstandings can be magnified and conflicts made worse, sometimes partners might accuse each other of bullying as it can justify ending a relationship. However it is also essential not to shy away from the word when bullying might be happening.

No good can come from a person being trapped in bullying and to stop a bully is to also give them a chance to change their behaviour.

So the first step is to be able to identify bullying. This sounds obvious but in my work I have found that many people have not realised they are being bullied, it is also common for people not to realise that they are bullying others. Meanwhile I also hear people accuse others of bullying behaviour when on closer examination there is actually something else happening.

Bullying can take many forms but in essence it is deliberately setting out to hurt another person either emotionally or physically. It is often a pattern of repeated behaviour and one that leads to the bullied person feeling differently about themselves and the world. Threatening behaviour, insults, unfair treatment, excluding are all possible manifestations. It is also something that often occurs to certain people because of factors such as how they appear, a disability, sexuality, gender, race or religion. There is always a purpose to bullying - it will be to make the other person feel bad and / or to get them to behave differently or do something that the bully wants.

BullyingUK is a charity that provides information and advice through their website www.bullying.co.uk and it can give you information whether you are experiencing bullying at home, work, school, online or any other context. It is also very good in terms of helping where you might be bullied for a specific reason for example your sexuality. But for the rest of this article I want to help you think about your relationships and whether there are any where bullying might be a concern.

First of all think about your family, friends, colleagues are there any where you can find yourself feeling uncomfortable? 

Secondly, identify what is it about your interactions that feel uncomfortable? Is it things that are said to you, is it things you find yourself saying to them? Do you feel irritated, frustrated, nervous or scared? Do you find yourself acting differently around them to how you normally behave? Do you observe that they treat you differently to other people? Has anyone who knows you and spent time with you said anything to you about what they see happening? Are your requests / wishes ignored? Do you feel forced into doing what the other person wants? Does the person approach you even when you have shown no interest in contact with them? Do you think there is an obvious or perceived power imbalance? Do you think the person might find your interactions with them hurtfull or upsetting?

Third, what have you tried to change or stop what is happening? What haven’t you tried and why? Have you tried telling the person that you find their behaviour towards you hurtful? If so did they ignore what you said and continue or increase the hurtful behaviour? Or are you just too frightened to even try? If this is the case then talk this over with someone as the situation needs to change. If you are wondering whether you might have been bullying then can you remember how the other person responded in response to your actions or words. Did they appear calm and relaxed or nervous and scared, what did you then do? Did you continue with your words and actions? Did you ask them if they were ok? Did they do what you wanted even though they had said it was not what they wanted? If you now think that maybe you might have treated them badly you might consider asking them or find someone who you can talk this through with.

Im my experience as a psychotherapist people can feel ashamed if they have been bullied or guilty and afraid if they have been the one bullying, so speaking to someone you don’t know can often be really helpful. It is important to be able to feel able to tell the whole story if you find yourself editing out things you of the other person did then this suggests you are not talking this through with the right person.

24 - Sep - 2020

Articles and new information

Over the last few months we have been busy writing and submitting articles through various channels. Our Twitter and Facebook pages contain links to them all however this page contains a summary.

28 - Jun - 2020

What are families finding helpful during the COVID-19 pandemic?

In our clinical team meetings over the last few months the subject of families has kept coming forward as something our clients have been wanting to talk about. Some families have been really struggling whilst for others it has been a time of opportunity for improving their relationships. In response Family Therapist Marybeth Mendenhall, Psychotherapist and Counsellor Monika Smolar,  Psychotherapeutic Child and Parent Counsellor Kati Mencer and Nicholas Rose met specifically to talk this through as a way of understanding what was important in improving family relationships right now. In this article we outline the main points from our discussion or if you prefer you can watch our YouTube channel here.

15 - Jun - 2020

Feeling Lonely? This week is Loneliness Awareness Week 2020

Today is the first day of Loneliness Awareness Week 2020. Even before the pandemic and lockdown research showed that over 9 million people in the UK, so one in five people, say they experience loneliness however almost two-thirds of those who struggle with loneliness find it difficult to talk about.

 

05 - Jun - 2020

Re-entry anxiety as the lockdown eases?

Noticed feelings of uneasiness as you think about meeting up with others as the lockdown eases?

29 - May - 2020

Many more families in therapy during the pandemic and lockdown

“Now is proving to be a really important time for families to revisit their relationships, resolve old conflicts, find new ways of communicating and build the relationships they’ve always wanted”. Says Psychotherapist Nicholas Rose.

27 - May - 2020

A perfect storm for psychological struggles this week?

Bad news, witnessing conflict in Government and sensing uncertainty are having a very bad impact on some peoples wellbeing at the moment. Are you struggling?

09 - May - 2020

What is it like to have Online Counselling and Psychotherapy?

This article looks at the difference between online and in-person / face to face counselling and gives a first hand experience of changing from face to face to online psychotherapy.

07 - May - 2020

Why it is too soon to talk about coronaphobia #coronaphobia

Having seen articles and then written myself about #coronanxiety I wasn’t surprised to start seeing articles about #coronaphobia. Personally I think it is too early for the term Coronaphobia to be useful and here’s why.

02 - May - 2020

What is coronanxiety? #coronanxiety

As people consider the impacts of COVID-19, the coronavirus and the lockdown on our psychological wellbeing a new term is trending #coronanxiety. But what is it?

21 - Apr - 2020

Zoom Private Online Counselling and Therapy

Our experienced team of UK based counsellors and psychotherapists are able to offer private online counselling and psychotherapy using zoom, skype and facetime to children, adolescents, young people, adults, couples and families.

19 - Apr - 2020

Finding Online Counselling & Psychotherapy from UK Counsellors and Psychotherapists

The pandemic and lockdown restrictions in the UK have meant that counselling and psychotherapy has had to move completely online for the time being - however online counselling and psychotherapy is nothing new for the UK. But how do you find an online counsellor and psychotherapist?

16 - Apr - 2020

The pandemic, the lockdown and your relationship

Today’s news that the UK’s lockdown will be extended for a further three weeks may well be very bad news for some relationships. In this article, relationship psychotherapist Nicholas Rose writes about how relationships are being affected, how to know if your relationship is struggling and importantly, what to do about it.

14 - Apr - 2020

Online Therapy with our team

At the present time our work with all clients is being conducted either by telephone or using video applications such as Skype, Zoom or FaceTime. Our page for our Onlline Counselling and Therapy has been updated and now includes a short video with Nicholas. 

10 - Apr - 2020

How are you coping, really?

Our latest article for The Chiswick Herald and Hounslow Herald offering a daily fifteen minute psychological workout to help you cope during the pandemic.

08 - Apr - 2020

The Pandemic, your business, your people and the Phoenix to Dodo Spectrum.

This article written for the Hounslow Chamber of Commerce considers some psychological perspectives in the context of how to manage and approach business during the pandemic.

31 - Mar - 2020

COVID-19 News - Free counselling for the NHS classified extremely vulnerable people locally

We want to continue to support you and our local community through the pandemic and are introducing a scheme offering free counselling to the NHS identified extremely vulnerable.

18 - Mar - 2020

UPDATE - COVID-19 and Therapy Sessions

Information on our services for existing and new clients.

We know that many of our clients want and / or need to continue with their sessions so we are doing everything we can to ensure sessions continue.

We take the health and welfare of our therapists and clients very seriously and are carefully following current NHS and government advice. We are also taking extra steps to ensure any impact on your sessions with us can be minimised. Please read below.

12 - Mar - 2020

COVID-19 and Therapy Sessions

Information on our services for existing and new clients.

We take the health and welfare of our therapists and clients very seriously and are carefully following current NHS and government advice. We are also taking steps to ensure any impact on your sessions with us can be minimised. Please read below.

25 - Oct - 2019

Nicholas interviewed for October edition of Chiswick Magazine

Nicholas was interviewed for the October edition of the Chiswick Magazine.

 

13 - Oct - 2019

Article - What happens in couples/relationship/marriage therapy?

Our latest article on therapy for relationships was published in the Chiswick Herald on the 27th September.

19 - Jun - 2019

How to Identify Your Prejudices and Biases

This article on how to identify your biases and predjudices publishes in the `Chiswick Herald on Friday the 21st June.

05 - Jun - 2019

What can we do? When couples no longer feel in love!

In this article to be published in the Chiswick Herald on Friday 7th June I explore what can happen in therapy when a couple come who say they no longer feel in love.

25 - May - 2019

Chiswick Herald Article - Relationships and relocating / emigrating

I’ve noticed that many of the couples who come to see me have moved to the UK - usually for work. In therapy we often talking through the impacts on each other and their relationship of having made the move. In this article I share the thoughts of other Therapists working in Tenerife (where many people move to from the UK in search of a more relaxed way of life) and my experiences in working with couples here in London.